3 Excuses You Have To Stop Using Right Now To Be Happier

An excuse is a reason or explanation used to gain exemption from doing or being something that you know you ought to be or do.

Some of my best excuses are so elaborate and so well researched that no one can question them. I've spent a lot of time perfecting my best excuses and since they are so well crafted, they really work rather well at keeping me stuck exactly in not being and not doing the things that I know would bring more happiness.

But Everyone's Doing It

There is a lot of support for making excuses. It's a lifestyle. So many people around me do it that it seems normal to quote the temperature, my age, fatigue, time, schedule, politics, mood and just about anything, as the reason for staying stuck where I am.

My favorite excuse is "I've tried that already." It's an oldie but goodie that comes out whenever anyone makes a suggestions for action in an area where I'm stuck. So since it's my best one, I'll put it on the top of my list of excuses to stop using right now.

The List

Who is the "you" in the title of this blog? Me! I hope you'll make your own list and stop what ever favorite excuses you’ve developed, if any, so that you can be happier.

Stop referring to past failed attempts as an excuse for not trying again.

Why don't you start working out? a caring friend asks, and out it comes, the excuse of having tried it.

Why don't you put your profile on a dating site? Because, I've done it before.

Have you thought of using this or that? I have, I have and because I have I am an expert on why it can't possible work now and I am justified in not trying again.

Fact is, trying again is what leads to finding the break in the list of failed attempts.

Someone pointed out that babies learn to walk by repeated failed attempts and falling forward. That brought a smile of recognition to me. And who can think about failed attempts without calling to mind the invention of the light bulb? I'm going to practice paying attention to when I want to claim the authority of failed attempts and instead of saying a quick no to myself or others, I'm going to really give whatever it is a second, third and tenth try.

Stop referring to age as an excuse for anything at all

Like a comfortable jacket I carry the excuse of my age around with me to slip on whenever I want to get out of keeping fit, flexible, eating right, dating, thinking, reading, you name it.

I think I have always done this. I've always been at the age that is inappropriate for something. Now it's boring and when I hear myself giving voice to the thought that my age has something to do with why I’m not being or doing whatever it is, I can no longer tolerate the words that want to come out.

It would be more honest to blurt out "I'm just too lazy!" And I don't think I'd like to get into the habit of that, so no more excuses. 50, one of my friends said jubilantly, is the new 25. Although I laughed I also realized that to me 50 (or whatever age) is the new 'exactly-what-it-is." In other words, I have no desire to be any other age than what I am and fact is, I love being alive.

Stop referring to busyness as an excuse for no spiritual practices

It's a sneaky thing, this particular excuse, it creeps up and presents itself righteously at the height of my busiest time, as if explaining with perfect clarity why I should be exempt from prayer, meditation, selfless-service, and charity.

It's a particularly dishonest excuse because now I know as sure as a thing can be known that without spiritual practices, I'm not nice, not happy, and certainly not in my right mind.

You may also be interested in reading:

The Power of Meditation

Sitting Still Reveals A World Within

Heaven And Hell Are States of Mind

I believe..

I believe that there is something essentially right with the world, and that every being can experience--or can be supporter In experiencing--a more joyful life.

I believe kindness is the most powerful pathway to contributing joy to the world, and that spiritual practices such as prayer, meditation, study, selfless service and giving are what make the fullness of life available to all.





Help from the Gita:  Response to Newtown

How Sitting Still Reveals a World Within

More About What I Believe

The Power of Meditation: an ancient technique to access your inner power

I’ve been working on a book and that is part of the reason why my blog has been neglected.  Now that the book is close to release date, I’m starting to find more time to work on my blog, and take on more clients for blog coaching.

One of the meditation-like techniques I write about in The Power of Meditation is journaling, and blogging is a contemporary way to practice journaling.  

I love the lights that come on in my clients’ eyes when they start to see the product of their work in that exposed land of blogging , and how lovely it is to see them work through that moment of tenderness when they step into public view with their thoughts and ideas.

Here is the copy being used on Amazon and Barnes and Noble for the pre-sale announcement of The Power of Meditation:

Release date:
August 29, 2013

This wise and delightful guide to the benefits of meditation practices will help readers cultivate a calm, peaceful, and enlightened lifestyle. Drawing from his years of experience as a teacher, spiritual leader, and avid meditator, Edward Viljoen directs readers along the path to enlightenment using wisdom such as:

• Mindfulness practices—Train yourself to become absorbed in a purposefully chosen activity.
• Sitting practices—Reduce the use of mental and physical resources as much as possible by sitting still and silently.
• Creative practices—Employ such devices as journaling, observing, and focusing on a favorite literary or spiritual passage.

Featuring personal anecdotes and stories from the author’s spiritual teachings, The Power of Meditation goes beyond a simple how-to book and offers a wonderful reading experience that will inspire readers to live more wise and fulfilling lives. 



More than a straight-forward “how to meditate” guide, I tried to write about how individuals can create their own meditation practice experience without being overwhelmed or daunted by too-strict ideas about what meditation is and isn’t.   That’s basically the same approach I take with my blogging clients, I try to help them find their own voice, their own rhythm and their own niche.  No one-size-fits all, not in meditation, not in blogging. 





More than anything, the commitment to  a self styled regular schedule of practice, whatever the practice, is what contributes to momentum and deepening.

You Want A Meditation Practice?

“You want a meditation practice?” my friend asked me when he heard I was writing a book about meditation, “I’ll tell you what is the best meditation.” And he told me all about his treasured Bonzai hobby.  We went out back to see the miniaturized plants and trees lined up on specially made shelves on the side of the house where the light was just right, and where it was not too hot and not too cold.  He explained that the art of Bonzai required patience, and that it was something that you did today, the benefits of which would be reaped in some tomorrow.  

“30 years from now I don’t expect to be here, but these plants will.  They could literally be here from my great grandchildren.  It’s a long term commitment.”  He described how you have to start slow, and pay a lot of attention, every day, and how you have to build a relationship with the plants, the way plants, and group and balance that with your own eye for shape and contour.  He showed us a limb on a tree that had been broken when his son took it to school for show and tell, and the place where he literally put a band aid on because it was all that he had at the time, and how part of that band aid was still there and how the limb had been saved 8 years ago.
 
He explained that you have to look at every plant, every branch.  He told me that when he goes on vacation he hires someone whose only job is to watch over the Bonzai daily.
 
I could tell when he talked about his time spent with his plants that it took him to some deeply satisfied and peaceful frame of mind.  I left thinking about the regular routine, every day, same time, same careful attention, and more importantly, about this: the work you do now, may not be for you alone. It may benefit people who are yet to come.  The work you do today may produce results right away that you can see and enjoy, and it may also be building a foundation for others to stand on when you are long gone.


How to increase focus in meditation
What works best for you in meditation?
Want to be happier?  Stop doing these ten things right away

How Do You Increase Your Focus In Meditation

Tick Tock, the pesky clock!

How do you increase your focus in meditation, I asked a friend? “I use the tick tock of a pesky clock in my home which could be a distraction, but because I integrate it into my practice, it becomes a tool.  My way of dealing with it is to count the ticks until they become too fast for my slowing down mind and I miss a count.  

"When that happens I start counting again, and again I'll skip a tick when my awareness is slower than the clock's ticks.  This usually happens around count 50.  When it does, I start again.  After a while I reduce my counting to every 3rd tick, and then to every 4th tick.  By the time I get to landing on every 5th or 6th tick, I have the sensation of launching off one tick to float through time till I touchdown on the next one, just like an astronaut playing on the moon.”

Increase Focus Through Contemplating A Passage

Beginning tomorrow, select some time to sit quietly. Choose a time that you can commit to daily. Select a space that will be available to you each day for your practice. When your mind has quieted down and its planning, sorting, and analyzing activities are at peace, then words of inspiration, such as those provided below, can act as a doorway to the inner area of insight and wisdom that is present and available to you at all times. No unusual effort need be exerted to access this wisdom. No special skill or talent is required— just the willingness to sit quietly and experiment with stillness will be sufficient to open you to a splendid world within where quietness is nourishing, inspiring, and helpful. It helps to have no predetermined results in mind so that your practice can unfold without expectations. Think of meditation practice as the time you set aside for listening. Approach it with the assurance that what you need to know, in order to live a fulfilled life, is available to you.

This week, before you start your mind-quieting, have this free booklet close-at-hand to use the recommended text for each day of the week. When you invite your body to relax and to become still, your mind will also begin to slow down to stillness in response.  When you feel quiet, read the text assigned for the day. Read it silently to yourself, slowly and with no effort. You may wish to read it two or three times, allowing the words to sink deeply into your consciousness with no effort to memorize or retain them. When you feel complete with your reading, allow your thoughts to drift through your mind with no attachment to them. Be cautious of any tendency to drift into planning, controlling, or assessing while contemplating the words. You may want to set a timer to alert you when a certain amount of contemplation time has passed. 

If you are new to contemplative practice, you may find that 5-10 minutes after reading the passage is adequate.

Advanced practice suggestion: After reading the passage, devote some time to memorizing the last part of each day’s reading so that you can repeat it mentally throughout the day.  If you have difficulty remembering it, change it to suit you or write it down on a piece of paper to carry with you in your pocket.

 
Free Meditation Guide Here

Complete Body Scan Meditation
How do You Practice Meditation?

Complete Body Scan As Meditation

“How do you meditate?” I asked a friend.  Try asking your friends the same question.  I have been doing it for while now and picked up a number of suggestions to add to my own practice.

One friend answered, “I meditate on my stationary bike because I enjoy the alone time so much.  When I’m peddling I begin what I call a body scan.  I always start with my toes, working from the bottom of my body going up.  I mentally scan each toe looking for tension and imagining the release of tension.  Sometimes I go very slowly, one inch of body at a time, depending on my schedule.  Other times I scan larger body sections, such as a foot, then my calf muscles.  When I get to top of my head I don’t stop there.

"That’s the second part of my meditation.  I imagine this scan I’ve been making from the bottom of my body moving up to be like a building momentum of energy that in my imagination I let continue past my head, extending up as far as my mind can conceive.  Then I let myself play with mental imagery of where that goes.  Up, for example, beyond our solar system and wherever my thought will take me. Finally, I let the idea of the rising energy reconnect to my feet, where I started, so I’m imagining a complete circuit.

"Sometimes I’ll feel my body respond to this meditation with warmth or even a buzzing.  It’s very enjoyable, and I look forward to it.  When I’m done I feel more aware of my body, and I feel alive and even connected to the earth in a way of speaking."

You may also enjoy reading:
What works best for you in meditation?
Want to be happier?  Stop doing these ten things right away

What Works Best For You In Meditation?

"What works best for you in meditation?" I asked a friend.  I've been doing a lot of that lately, asking friends how they conduct their practice. It's been very helpful hearing about the range of what works best for different people.  I've been collecting their responses and adapting some of their practices for myself.

One friend said, “I use the following the breath approach. I place my attention at the front of my nose so I can feel the air move into me. Slowly I follow the passage of the breath further and further down the air path. I pay attention to the coolness of fresh air and with each breath I try to follow it even more as it moves down into me. I sometimes notice a swirling sensation as it moves through my nasal cavity, then I notice the feeling as it goes down my throat and then the fullness as it enters my lungs. In my mind I place what I call my essence on the breath as it moves in my body.

“Once, after a month or more of practicing this way I noticed I was progressively more aware of being inside. It was as if I was aware of myself as my lungs and I was breathing my body.  I experimented with changing the size and point of focus.  It's rather difficult to put this into words that will describe the sensation accurately, but to me it was as if my consciousness was sustaining my existence.  My existence was riding on my consciousness.”



His answer was a reminder to me to return to simplicity and to recommit to my practice.

Here are other answers from other meditators I questioned as well as articles on happiness and kindness:

How to you increase your focus in meditation?
How do you practice meditation?
Want to be happier?  Stop doing these ten things right now
Quieting the mind with kindness
A Complete Body Scan as a Meditation-Like Activity

How do you practice meditation?

I've been asking friends "How do you practice meditation?"  The responses are amazing, inspiring, and a reminder to me that there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to spiritual practices.

One friend looked right back at me when I asked her the question and said "I write it down," and explained to me that she uses free-style writing as a method for meditation, letting herself write in an unstructured, uninhibited way.

I wasn't expecting that. It reminded me of what another friend said about her contemplative practice:

"I practice with several different kinds of meditative styles, and use whatever one I'm drawn to on any particular day. I have done a gratitude practice every night for about 12 years. I choose a journal in January for the year and each evening write what I am grateful for that day. I silently review the day in my mind, and then write "I am grateful for....", one per line, filling most of a page each day. We use to do this as a family, 5 gratefuls for each of us, when my son was about 5 yrs. to 9 yrs. old. I have kept all of the journals through the years."



You might also enjoy reading:


Quieting the mind with kindness
How sitting still reveals a world within
The importance of dreaming big

Want to Be Happier? Stop Doing These Ten Things Right Now.

1.            Stop watching too much television.

There is so much junk on television and so much advertising to wait through and thereby waste precious time. Friends tell me they veg out in front of the TV as a way of decompressing after a stressful day at work.  Granted, I’m pretty much committed to my favorite shows and won’t budge on watching them. However, when tired, vulnerable, overwhelmed and stressed, the best thing to do is not watch television.  Going for a walk, a slow, gentle, leisurely walk, no matter what time of day or evening, no matter what the weather (put a rain coat on for heaven’s sake) beats TV every time in terms of relaxing, decompressing and revitalizing a tired soul.

2.            Stop having no quiet time in your day for reflection

The reasons are endless why people tell me they can’t carve out time to be quiet.  If you don’t want to be still, you’re going to come up with concrete, defendable reasons why it is impossible and I don’t care to try to convince you.  I don’t know your life and your schedule well enough to take on the task of figuring out how you might possibly be able to sit still for 15 minutes.  So stop it.  Just stop depriving yourself of one the most nourishing practices I know of.  Sit.  Just sit. 15 minutes a day. First thing in the morning, if possible.  You’ll be glad you did.

3.            Stop depending on your own counsel alone

Another way of saying the same thing is: stop not listening to others.  Stop having no way for wisdom to find its way into your mind.  Stop being self-dependent and let yourself benefit from the wise (and even the not so wise) counsel of those around you, experts in their fields, role models and the people who love you.  Instead, make a habit of asking people what they think about your ideas.  You don’t have to accept their advice and opinions, but you will find your world expanding and your sense of community growing and you’ll definitely be doing something that can contribute to a feeling of happiness: connecting.

4.            Stop criticizing yourself when you make errors

If you’re in the habit of talking to yourself in self-defeating, cruel ways, because you think that in the sanctity of your own mind what you say is private, I challenge you to stop it!  Imagine for a week that what you say to yourself is being instantly transcribed and broadcast on a banner floating above your head for everyone to see.  Would you be willing to display the content of yourself talk to the world?  If you are one of the people who can unhesitatingly say “Yes,” good for you!  For everyone else, take the challenge to be a little more gently with yourself, a little more friendly, a little more kind and to treat yourself in a way that is forgiving and gracious.